I want a mid-life crisis

I want to have a mid-life crisis (MLC). That's right I want one. Unfortunately I'm too scared to actually have one. When I was a young and naive I used to scoff at the idea that one could do such a thing. Laugh at the old guy in the hot rod; roll my eyes at the moms with grown children trying to to start a career; and cluck at the cougar hooking up at the bar.

But now...I get it. I get that time is flying by and missed opportunities grow more painful with age. I soooo get it that I wonder why isn't everyone entitled to explore a mid-life crisis. I mean if I feel this way now am I going to continue to feel this way with each passing year?!?!

Hmmm...but maybe it is just me. Instead of having split personalities I live in a world with two personas. There's the outward-facing one that interacts with people and driven in both life and work. There is also this other internal persona with such exhaustive dialog surrounded around thoughts, feelings, and wishes. Sometimes these two worlds collide, hence the the blog. 

So as I'm writing this it is becoming clearer to me that that clashing of these two personas is causing the need for change craving. So what's this damsel to do....what to do. I think acknowledgment is a great first step. There probably should be a 12-step program of some sort on how to handle wanting a MLC. Erma probably would have a witty way of writing that one. For now, my first step is admission and that is quite a step for now.

Sometimes it is just difficult to be a mother

A few baseball games ago,  I was setting up my chair to watch the kiddo's baseball game and what do you know, there is a crack that makes everyone turn their head and gasp. Unfortunately it was my kid who got smacked in the head with a ball and was laying on the ground. Really time does feel like it stops when such an event occurs.


I don't know why but I ran to get ice and didn't run to my kid because I knew the hubby would already be out there. I just went into this mode that I would have to be useful or I would burst out in tears and where would that get the kid other to see his mom freaking out.


Luckily on our team one of the dads is an ER physician so we was able to assess the situation and although the kid had an egg on his head it landed on the best part of the forehead to get hit so he was dazed but was fine. We sat for awhile with me holding ice on his head and trying to control myself from freaking out. The entire time I was telling myself that it is not okay to lose it because your kid is hurt. You have to be the adult and and the strong one.


But sometimes it is just so difficult not to fall apart when your kid gets hurt. Empathy for your kid can run so deep that it is still surprising to me. My kid is in the double digits and I have always felt this way. Of course it is normal to be concerned and worried when your kid is hurt but I was hoping over time I would learn to control my feelings over it better.

I guess feeling this way is better than not feeling anything but I just think it is sometimes difficult being the mom and the one who should be in control.

Sunday Blues

As much as I love the weekend, I just dread Sunday nights. It feels so daunting every Sunday to know that I will be sitting at my desk the next day. I think the feeling of powerless get stronger with the longer you work. It also doesn't help that my work environment is far from ideal other than being close to home. In fact by the end of many days, I end up chanting those words often in my head. 

It isn't any one thing in particular that makes the work experience less than desirable. It is accumulation of many things that makes me want to run from the job. I'm in a bit of a no win situation with growing my career. I'm finally in the career path I want to be in but find myself challenging myself with moving forward rather than my group or leadership. 

Also, little did I know that it was a family-run company when I first joined. I have worked with a small family involved company in the past and when I discovered the current situation I should have gotten the hell out of there. However, I didn't and now I am in it until I find an opportunity that is a true match for me. In the past, I have jumped into a lot of jobs head first and have gotten lucky a few times. I have met some great people and learned a lot about the personalities I want to work with in my career. Right now, I'm going to try to be patient and wait it out.


I feel a bit guilty complaining about work since there are some people who want a job or really are in worst job situations than I am. I work because financially I know it the best thing to do for my family today and for the future. Also, as bad as my job is, it is truly entertaining sometimes when I have capability to stand back and observe the situation. Also, I have a great friend at work who is able to commiserate with me and remind me that I am not crazy but just those around me that are truly crazy.

So tonight I'm going  to try to scare those Sunday blues away...I may need a few glasses of wine to help me but I'm going to try.

Starting a Blog

So why start a blog? Hmmm...good question.  I guess I thought it was time to make public my oh so many fascinating thoughts. Not really. It seems my thoughts are many and fleeting these days. Maybe it is age, but lately these days I have more thoughts in my head than a pubescent pre-teen. You think maturity would mean handling your thoughts and emotions better but it turns out you just learn to hide them better.

I think that is why I chose the name, Erma Bombeck Reincarnated, for this blog. I have always loved her work. I remember one of her books I came across when I was around ten. Out of boredom and lack of entertaining parents I would usually read whatever I could get my hands on. I was surprised how much I was enjoying reading the book while I was reading the book. I knew my mom was not a Stepford wife but had no idea she had a sense of humor about it.

I enjoyed Erma's dry whit, ability to find humor in the most mundane and her complete acceptance of not being perfect. It was such an eye opener for me at a young age. I haven't read Erma for many years and may need to brush up on some reading to get a better perspective these days. So welcome to my blog and hope you enjoy my thoughts as I try to gain perspective and clarity. 

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” --Erma Bombeck